Vitalij Kuprij - Glacial Inferno (2007)

If you're like me, you're wondering what the hell it is you just read. Here's Mr. Kuprij's name, spelled phonetically.

Vit-tal-ee Koop-ree.

Fantastic. On to the description. Vitalij is a Ukrainian keyboard virtuoso. As far as I'm concerned, he's the best of the ones I've heard. To be fair, I've only really heard Derek Sherinian and Bob Katsionis and Jordan Rudess. Derek's music features far too much work from people that suck, like Zakk Wylde. Actually, just Zakk Wylde. Zakk Wylde should be permanently muted via shotgun shell to the trachea. He needs to stick to pinch harmonic soaked, poorly executed guitar solos that his lame fans seem to like so much, not ruining Derek Sherinian's music. Anywho, Bob's a formidable opponent, seeing as Turn Of My Century destroys so hard, but I think in terms of variety, consistency, and general catalog size, Vitalij has him beat.

This is Vitalij's newest and, in my opinion, best album. It seems like his most progressive album so far. His earlier work was geared more towards neo-classicism, which was awesome in itself. He's also got complete classical piano albums which I still need to get. Anyway, this album is still very much in the style of neo-classical guitar and piano, but much more epic and progressive than his earlier material. If there's two things I'm a sucker for, it's neo-classical and epic music, so I fell for this album, hard.

I don't really know what to say about this album other than every single song pwns hardcore. Literally every song is flawless. I've said this before, but I guess I've never really meant it, because every song on this CD couldn't be improved. The time signatures are all screwy, the guitar and keyboard meshes like magic, and it just rules.

I'm going to cut this short and just say this album is great. Go get it.

8/10

David Valdes - Paradise Lost (2002)

This album is bootleg as fuck. From the looks of it, David went in with MS Paint and cropped himself into the front of a picture of a lightning bolt and haphazardly pasted his name in a standard Old English font. This is deceiving. You'd honestly expect some poorly produced crap from the looks of this album, would you not? This is not the case. David Valdes' Paradise Lost kicks spectacular ass.

David Valdes is from Spain and plays blindingly cool neo-classical shred. I believe he also played on a Jason Becker tribute album a little while back. He has a song entitled Cacophony on this album, which very well might be an homage to both Marty and Jason. Anyway, I haven't seen much else from David except for this album, which leads me to believe Paradise Lost is his only release. This is kind of disappointing, because Paradise Lost is god damned phenomenal.

I'm not fucking around when I say this album rivals Perpetual Burn or The Dark Chapter in terms of awesomeness in the genre of neo-classical. David's tone is spectacular and everything he plays is extremely clean. He hits every note perfectly. I'm not quite sure if he used a drum machine or anything like that, because the drums sound incredibly life-like. I can't get much information on David off of Google, because there are apparently alot of people named David Valdes, most of whom don't melt face with guitar solos.

David is on YouTube and he showcases every song on the album flawlessly live. You can check those songs out here. All of his sweeps are flawless, all of this picking is pristine. I downloaded this album sometime over the summer and shortly after, the upload link ceased to exist and there is no trace of this album anywhere. Nevertheless, David is an extremely formidable shredder. I think the highlights of this album would probably be found in Fall Angel and Paradise Lost. They showcase blindingly fast fret work and awesome breakdowns. No, not hardcore breakdowns. He doesn't play an E Minor chord over and over again. Sorry.

I think it's the goal over every shredder, whether they take a more bluesy approach or a more classically influenced one, to make the listener forget they're listening to music without lyrics. This album accomplishes this. David's playing almost seems to become singing at parts, and that is what I find to be remarkable about this album. Anyone interested in classically influenced shred guitar should definitely check it out.

8.5/10

Kadenzza - The Second Renaissance (2005)

This is such a good album. I've had it for a while now and I probably should have reviewed it before this point. So, here's a bit of an overview of what exactly Kadenzza is, for those that don't know.

Kadenzza is a one man band, spearheaded by You Oshima from Japan. He calls it "Grand Orchestral Kamikaze Metal". I guess this is an interesting way to go about categorizing this band, as it's a little bit difficult to specifically pinpoint what exactly Oshima does with this band. If I really had to categorize Kadenzza, I would probably go with something along the lines of symphonic avant garde / black metal.

Part of the appeal of this album is the astounding idea that it was created by one guy. He's not only proficient in guitar, vocals, and synthesizers, but also at programming and apparently, the theremin. The theremin just might be the most awesome instrument ever, so that alone gains You Oshima a million bonus points. I would also like to know what the hell kind of drum machine Oshima used for this album, because it sounds like a damn studio drummer. It might be the most lifelike drum machine I've heard. I'm actually going to try to score an interview with him. From what I hear, though, he's not too great at speaking English. And, I'm not too great at speaking Japanese, so hopes shan't be gotten up. No sir, they shan't.

Anyway, this album is eerie. The lyrics Oshima chooses are extremely cryptic. He follows the story of Little Red Riding Hood throughout the course of the album, putting his own spins on it. He doesn't omit the true details of the story, like the wolf killing an dismembering the little girl's mother. After the wolf accomplishes this, he tricks the girl into eating her own mother's flesh and drinking her blood. Afterward, we are to understand the wolf also kills and picks apart the little girl, as he finishes the album with two voices conversing, claiming the girl is to "enter the dark woods" and that "her grandmother was waiting". The narratives are told from the voice of a little girl. Another strangely prevalent sound effect Oshima uses on a few songs are the faint sounds of young children laughing and the almost inaudible sound of a cradle lullaby. Through the use of these things, Oshima really creates psychologically disturbing songs that are only strengthened by his outlandish vocals.

Oshima's harsh vocals are unlike any I've ever heard. As far as I can tell, he overdubbed them at different frequencies like, a million times in order to make his voice sound stressfully demonic. He starts some songs with brooding organ pieces, most notably Utaka. The feel of this album is unbelievably dark, and almost insane.

Most of the drum programs Oshima uses are blast beats. They're tasteful, however. Thank God for that. Shitty blast beats can entirely ruin a song. That is, he only uses blast beats when necessary. Ghost In the Shell, The Abyss Stares Back at You, and The Embers of Reverie are the most prevalent tracks featuring blast beats, as they are the only ones with consistent heavy guitar. Most of the other tracks have instrumental piano discourses in order to further the plot of the story or to confuse the listener with strange, haunting singing.

I think the high point of this album is most definitely at the end. Utaka through Redemption are completely mind blowing. I don't mean to sound like a rabid fanboy, but these tracks are basically perfect. There wasn't much Oshima could have done to make them better. The best song on the album, in my opinion, would be The Wolfoid. It chronicles the wolf's transition from killing the girl's mother to impersonating her. I think the basic point behind Oshima's making of this album was to make a Little Red Riding Hood story that didn't have a happy ending; one that wasn't a fairy tale. As he explicitly states in The Wolfoid, "remember, only the hunter kills the wolf. But that's only in fairy tales...".

I love this album. Anybody that doesn't like shitty music would, also. Get it. Immediately.

9/10

Ozzfest 2007...Free!

Guess what, Ozzy, I still don't want to go. That's right, you would have to pay me to go to Ozzfest. It's just that bad. Great work, Ozzy and Sharon, you fucked up everything.

Each year, this festival gets worse and worse. At this point, it's completely laughable. Every fan of any genre of metal knows this, and every self-respecting idiot is laughing hysterically at this desperate move on the part of the Osbournes. There is no merit to Ozzfest's name. Let's analyze why!

System of a Down. Disturbed. Hatebreed. Avenged Sevenfold. Atreyu. Unearth. Norma Jean. These are the bands that made up a large portion of Ozzfest 2006's star-studded lineup. Great bands, right? Fuck, if these bands were any worse, I'd kill myself. The only two bands I even remotely could think about enjoying last year were Dragonforce and Strapping Young Lad, and even those bands are a stretch at this point.

No, the Osbourne's aren't going to book better bands this year. Stop hoping for it. Sharon and her band of blathering retards threw eggs at the last good band to ever grace Ozzfest some two or so years ago. If I was dragged to a big, hot arena so I could hang out with a bunch of sweaty, shirtless retards hurling metal horns in the air every 5 minutes while listening to bands like Avenged Sevenfold, I'd bang my head against a wall until I couldn't see or hear anymore.

What the fuck happened to this festival? Judas Priest was on it. Iron Maiden was on it. Motorhead was on it. Now what the hell do we have? Disturbed? Where along the way did so many people lose touch? It almost seems like I'm the only one that feels this way. The decline of music festivals is a serious problem. With the inclusion of Bullet For My Valentine at Wacken, the destruction of a reputable festival is already taking root. In 5 years, Wacken will be co-headlined by Trivium and Korn. The trouble with this is that a lot of people wouldn't care.

The funny part about all of this is that it's blatantly obvious that the Osbournes know they've completely lost the metal community. They understand they fucked up and that Ozzfest is beyond salvation and they understand that nobody is going to pay to get raped in the ear for an entire day. So, when they came to this realization, they made it free for all the 13 year old boys and girls that adore Norma Jean. It's completely laughable that they made this festival free, because it shows that they understand just how bad it's become to a point where it's not worth paying for.

Anyway, I don't quite see why anyone would attend Ozzfest. Sure it's free, but so is stabbing yourself in the ear with an ice pick, and that's basically the same effect you get from going to Ozzfest. Thanks for the offer, Ozzy and Sharon, but I'll schedule a root canal that day, instead.

Borknagar - Empiricism (2001)

Borknagar really doesn't need any introduction, but I will provide one anyway. They're a Norwegian folk/black metal band who have housed the greatest vocalists in metal. Over time, they've put out some really great albums that started out more core black metal but lately have switched over to a more folk inspired sound, releasing their newest album, Origin, this year. Origin is completely acoustic and extremely folky. I still need to listen to it, but that's neither here nor there.

Over the years, Borknagar has had some incredible lyricists and vocalists, such as Simen "ICS Vortex" Hestnæs, Kristoffer "Garm" Rygg, and Andreas "Vintersorg" Hedlund. Hedlund is also the singer for Vintersorg, a band that also kicks inhuman amounts of ass. So, all of these men seem to have uncanny abilities for singing in a manner that completely melts face and writing lyrics that blow everyone else out of the water. In fact, Colossus, off of Quintessence still holds the record for best lyrics ever in my book. Those lyrics and vocals were by ICS Vortex, though. Alot of speculation is made referring to the best vocalist that Borknagar has ever had. Personally, I'm a fan of Vintersorg, followed by ICS Vortex, followed by Garm. Anywho, Empiricism is fucking awesome, and I'm going to tell you why.

Go listen to Inherit The Earth or The Stellar Dome and tell me this album doesn't obliterate everything ever made. See, you wouldn't be able to. Or, you'd lie about it and your brain would detach itself from your brain stem in defiance while boiling alive from the injustice just vomited from your mouth. This album has some great instrumental parts. Take The Stellar Dome, for instance. They usually overlap clean guitar with distorted guitar for an extra effect while overlapping that even with keyboard, usually played in order to create background ambiance. While this is happening, Vintersorg is overdubbing harsh vocals with clean vocals. The effect is just awesome.

I guess I should explain the whole overdubbing of vocals. I suppose it's become a bit of a trend with Borknagar vocalists. Vortex did it, Vintersorg did it, and I'm going to be honest, I don't know if Garm did it, because I never really bothered with their earlier material. I'm still too busy losing my mind over how awesome Empiricism and Quintessence are, and I've had them for like, a year. It creates an interesting break from what you usually get from these types of bands. However, the vocals are sometimes used completely clean, like in the beginning of Inherit The Earth. Those few seconds are my favorite of the entire album. Vintersorg's vocals kick ass, seriously.

Now, this album still has its more straight up black metal roots. The Genuine Pulse is basically an onslaught of blast beats and tremolo picking at the beginning, with a very melodic keyboard line beside it. Standard black metal growls, also. However, when the chorus comes, clean vocals come back in and compliment the harsher ones. The exchange of vocal parts on this album are just so fucking great. It's really not the "uber tr00 and kvlt" type of black metal some people want to hear. There is melody, so if you're a fan of raw black metal, you wouldn't like this. On a side note, I'd like to comment on just how gay raw black metal is. I hate it like nobody's business. In order for me to like black metal, it has to be atmospheric or symphonic ala Emperor, Naglfar, and Vesperian Sorrow. I'd rather get herpes than listen to Burzum.

So, in conclusion, this album is great. I know it's not a new album, but I've basically listened to nothing but it for the past week.